It’s been more than five years since I got divorced. People keep telling me I should start dating, but come on, what’s the rush? I know my friends and family are telling me I’m not getting any younger. And I know they’re right, because any time I accidentally open the camera on my phone, and it’s on my face, I recoil in horror, as though I’ve just seen…
I love getting to know my kids friends and realizing there are no pesky serial killers or violent offenders to worry about. They’re good kids who I enjoy hanging out with too. I love them all, especially Reef, my daughter’s boyfriend, who entered sainthood the day he served as spotter — helping me pinpoint where my intestinally challenged dog had left lovely gifts on my living room rug.…
I learned six things from my two weeks of attempted non-swearing. #1. Self-control is not my strong point. #2. I swear quite a bit. Not horribly, just conversationally. A damn here, a hell there, with sh*t as my go-to word. When I’m sewing, driving, or discovering my dog pooping on my carpet, I use the f-bomb. (Sister Janet, if you’re reading this — I’m sorry I’ve failed you.)…
When I first started recording audiobooks, every book was a combination of thrill and anxiety. I got the book — thrill. I’d pre-read the book — anxiety — more characters than I realized. I’d make up character voices — thrill. I’d worry they might be off — anxiety.…
In a moment of love and serious overconfidence, I offered to make curtains for my friend, Kimberly. I measured one of what looked like three identical windows in her breakfast nook, only to discover that the impostor middle window was five inches longer than the other two. So entered the first string of expletives. Then, in a misguided second moment of love and overconfidence, I offered to fix…
Esther and I met in a beginners swim class. She was quiet, laughed at all my silly comments, and was determined to learn to swim, so of course, I liked her. She wore a cute bathing suit with a sheer, pink, flouncy skirt that looked like a ballet outfit and had the nice legs I wish I’d been born with. We chatted between death-defying episodes of attempted swimming,…
One of the toughest assignments I ever had was in seventh grade religion class. Sister Generosa gave us our assignment: Do something nice for someone we didn’t know — every day during Lent. And here’s the kicker, we couldn’t tell anyone. When I first heard that I thought, “What kind of lunatic goes around doing nice things for strangers and then never even gets to brag about it?”…
Italian Mom Stories• Thoughts on Life
Who Knew Over Easy Eggs Could Force Me To Mature?
August 14, 2015
Last week, when I was visiting family in Pennsylvania, I ate out more times in two days than I did from the time I was 0 to 13. This behavior would have shocked my frugal parents back in the ’50s and ’60s. From the time I was born until I was thirteen I think I dined out twice. (I did tour the McDonalds in Beaver Falls with the…
I spent much of this year dreading my birthday, which came today anyway, in spite of my best evasive maneuvers. I’ve found that dread is a very effective life skill, if used properly.…
I met Marilyn at JJill a couple of years ago. We both worked part-time, and bonded over our love of clothes. She was in her 60’s, medium sized with light brown hair, and was quiet, hard working, very sweet, and unbelievably enthusiastic about folding tissue paper perfectly when wrapping merchandise. I watched, learned and can now tissue with the best of them, but I’m still not as good…