Stop Feeling So Damned Sorry For Yourself

I went to a party this week where I ran into an acquaintance who has had –since 2010 — relationships with at least three or more men and is engaged to be married in July. My mouth hung open in amazement when she told me.

I just kept thinking, How the hell does she do it? How did she run into all these men who want to date and potentially marry her when I never do? What am I doing wrong? Where is she hanging out? I think she’s in her 50’s like me. She’s attractive and in good shape. With a powerful blow dryer and some Mary Kay make up, I’m attractive and in good shape; so I thought, what is she doing that I’m not?

Then she said, we met on Match.com. The woman beside her said her sister-in-law met her wonderful husband on Match.com too. My ex-husband met his new wife on Match.com and they’ve been married for more than a year now and I’m still unable to force myself to dip even a baby toe into the dot-com dating pool. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous which seems like a pretty compelling reason not to do it.

So, after my daughter and her boyfriend left the apartment last night, I was feeling pretty stinking lonely. That was compounded by the eight thousand Valentine’s Day ads everywhere that even the legally blind couldn’t miss, shoving romance in my face and reminding me what a pathetic loser I must be to be alone.

So, I decided to go on a long walk with the only man I date on Saturday nights these days; my dog Topper. He’s a Pembroke Welsh Corgi, and aside from a serious Napoleon Complex, he’s well adjusted, a great companion, has a flair for fashion, and is always happy to see me.

Street lamps lit our usual route. The echo of just one pair of boots; mine, on the empty sidewalks left, me feeling  sorry for myself. I could feel “woe is me” tears starting to well and I had the beginnings of a really meaningful cry underway when I heard a loud conversation.

As I got closer, the talk got louder, then it turned to yelling. It was a man and a woman, walking their dog and shouting at each other. She was angry with him because he was walking ahead of her and he was disgusted with her. They sniped back and forth across the street from me. I listened to her tell him he was being a selfish jerk and watched him walk away from her even faster, muttering something under his breath.

Hearing it took me back to some pretty unhappy years and made me shiver. Then I had to laugh because the timing was flawless. Just as I was about to go into full blown poor me mode, the universe backhanded me.

I imagined Mother nature hissing, “You idiot, you could be with someone you don’t even respect, like her. Look at them, they’re a couple, do they look happy?  Now stop feeling so damned sorry for yourself. You did what you had to do, you’re alone now but at least you’re not miserable, so get over it.”

Man, Mother Nature can be kind of a bitch. But, she was right — and now, I’m not sad, I’m grateful.
And the dating website — well — I think it can wait.